God, let my Dad be my idol....

Regretted not blogging yesterday!! Cause it was too late and my bro was sleeping already and the comp is in the room, so actually it's ok la! :)

Share a testimony yesterday. After WFL on Monday, I found out that my unit member was going to play basketball at Bishan. I hesistated cause 1stly--travel especially down, though by bus it's only 30 mins; 2ndly--tired la, still got a lot of things to do, including QT(don't misunderstand, I sure will do one, but just that you know, tiredness VS things to do); 3rdly--Too last minute, will rack my plans again, though recently I have allowed God to mould me in being more spontaneous in taking part in last min activities. Ok anyway, I went. :D 2 reasons.

1. To fellowship with unit members, and bros and sis in Christ. God spoke to me that fellowship shouldn't be limited between unit, caregroup members. An ideal example--Acts church.

2. To be more spontaneous in things/activities I don't like--
(a)Ball games is one of them. Well, although I am sort of an athlete, BUT, I have NO BALL SENSE!!! I am slow in reflex, can break all the rules and the list goes on. WORST OF ALL, I am afraid of the BALL and gets nervous and anxious when being involved in a Sport/Activity I'm unfamiliar with or am bad at. Basketball--well, there's a BALL involved right?

(b)Relating with people. I have crowd/people-shyness. It takes A LOT for me to even ask, "What's your name?" even if they're YHope. I get nervous at this easily as well. So, natuarally, in a environment amidst many people whom I don't know--my sinful, carnal nature would be to just keep to myself.
**I become naturally nervous and anxious VERY easily.

So I went. I was very nervous that I would get lost and that I would wait for my unit member, Pras for very long. The latter happened. I prayed to have absolute trust in God that I would be able to play basketball with them but as time passed, my emotions grew above my faith.

Finally, unable to take it anymore, I was like thinking, "GOD! I don't want to be so EMO!!!! I can't help it la!!!" So there I was, sitting at the bus stop asking God to help me in my lack of control over my emotions, angry and sad that Pras hasn't contacted me. "Why don't you worship me?", God prompted. So I got up and went to J8, in hope of finding a place where I can listen to worship songs. No luck. I was about to let my emotions run high but prayed instead. I went to the toilet cause it was pretty urgent. I walked around J8 while worshipping God by thinking of a worship song instead. And guess what? I CALMED down! I no longer blamed Pras too. First time this sort of worship worked for me ha!!:D

When I went down the escalator to the 3rd floor. Pras called and asked me where I was and she gave me some instructions to meet me near J8. I was shocked and surprised for her sacrificial spirit. I was really touched by her and God. Not only did God took my emotions away, but also to further assure me by Pras's willingness and act of meeting me real nearby, and RIGHT AFTER God has taken control of my emotions.

I met Pras and she apologized and explained to me. I said, "it's ok" and wondered if I meant it. Straight after that thought, I knew the answer was yes because I no longer had emotions of being upset with her any longer.

LALALA!~~~~ Double blessing~~!:D

So, I went to play basketball. It wasn't that bad la. I touched the ball more than once(in school when I play ball games, sometimes I don't get to touch the ball at all, no kidding.) But I couldn't really talk when playing bball because my nervousness and insecurity took over even though I prayed la. It was only until we played Monkey that I really took the courage to talk more, even though it was just, "Sorry", "Oh my goodness~" when my aiming was bad, that sort of stuff. Later, when Pras came and most of us were sitting down there, I started to talk with the rest(although they took the 1st intiative).

Well, it may not have felt like a blessed day but, definitely, little things happened that aren't so little after all. :)

Today--Tuesday.
I went to see the doctor. Both God and I had been bothered by my backache and Nose bleeding for at least a week. I was especially bothered that I wasn't loving myself by taking care of my body. In obedience, I went.
Well, the doctor advised that I go to CGH to learn some exercises that would strengthen my back, and make it less prone to injuries and aches. SHOCKINGLY, he adviced me to go see the skin specialist too, regarding my ACNE condition(1st doctor to do so).

So, I was partially shocked and glad that I could finally see hope of my acne condition really improving for the rest of my life!

I have always been insecure, and definitely in how I look too. And around midnight, God spoke to me. I always knew all the crap about looks being secondary and character comes first. But, I still struggled in that issue. So, I humbled myself and told God, "God, you know I can't help being concerned about my looks and character flaws. And despite people saying all that, impressions does count after all. But Lord, regardless of my looks and flaws, fill in the gap so that people who will be looking at you through me would see Christ-likeness." And God also spoke to me that even if my face were to be acne free, maybe I'd be even more conscious of my looks in future such that a small blackhead, I would scream and wail.

When my Dad came home, I told him that I went to the doctor's. Though scared that he might scold me, saying that I waste money again. Surprisingly, he didn't. He only asked me how it is, already knowing that it is about my back condition. He was genuinely concerned for me. He didn't say much but asked me about when and where I'm going for the referred appointment. And later he just asked me how much it costed. He gave me S$100 after that. He TRUSTED me that I'll return him the remaining and asked me to return him the remaining. AND he sounded gentle through out---- COMING FROM MY DAD! Although not first time, but Suddenly it struck me once again, real hard-- the trust, concern. And for the 1st time the realization struck me--his gentleness. And God reminded me of Him being my heavenly daddy and that his care and concern for me is just... so many times more... I guess I odd to have my Dad as my idol now... YEAH!!!